I feel just like a child on Christmas morning. I finally found it. Right here in my very own hands hold what I have been desperately searching for. Okay, so maybe it really wasn’t that hard to find. Three stores merely constitutes as a vigorous hunt. But I can’t help the ecstatic feeling surging through my soul.
You see Kasen & I have an inside joke. (What? You and your 4 ½ month old baby don’t?). The day our joke came to be was quite the experience for me, the brand new mom.
Once upon a time about 3 months ago….
My child had been fed, burped, and had a new dry diaper.
I tried gripe water, bouncing him, and a warm blanket fresh out the dryer.
We went on a walk, I gave him a bath, and dressed him in comfy clean clothes.
I sang to him. I rocked him. I put him in his swing.
I offered him another bottle and a pacifier.
And to no avail, I still had a screaming baby. A baby with a perfect temperature of 98.6 that had nothing poking or prodding him. A baby that wouldn’t be consoled and an exhausted mother that felt helpless.
Here I was on day 5 of these 3-hour long cries. “Why are you so mad at me?” I wondered. Every fragment of my body ached. I wanted to help my baby, I wanted him to be comforted, but nothing I did worked.
Tears began streaming down my face. Uncontrollable sobs wailed in unison with my child.
My crying wasn’t going to help the situation, but I couldn’t help but to feel like an inadequate mother. So I did the very last thing I could think to do. Swaddle him. Babies liked to be swaddled.
But there my dear son was in his orange swaddler screaming at the top of his lungs while I rocked and sobbed along with him. Oh my poor apartment neighbors.
I knew I couldn’t just sit there frustrated and crying. I had to regain my composure. Remembering an article I had previously read, I decided to place him in his crib to see if it would help. I turned his monitor on and walked to the living room, wondering if he might feel more comfy out of my arms. That’s what the article suggested at least. A few deep breaths, a glass of water, and a prayer later I felt better. I was a mom on a mission. I had let three minutes pass before I went back to my baby who didn't seem to like that method of consoling (mommy didn't either). My baby was still crying.
A crying son, laying in his crib, with an orange swaddler on. I picked my precious boy up, gave him a dozen kisses, and laughed.
Laughter doesn’t sound like it appropriately fits in this situation, but I couldn’t help to think that Kasen looked like he had an orange strait jacket on sitting in his crib.
I had sent my son to jail. Baby jail that is.
Holding my baby real close, I playfully asked him, “littlest llama why are you so mad at your mama?”
Do you ever say things and wonder what just came out of your mouth? I say silly things often, but this one just made me laugh. Again.
“Llama, Llama Mad at Mama,” is a children’s book that I had read about on a top children’s book list via a Google search earlier that week. (I might possibly Google things a lot. “Hi. My name is Keiley, and I’m a chronic Googler”). Guess it somehow stuck in the back of my mind. And NO I do not believe everything I read on the Internet.
Ever since that day, when my son gets fussy (particularly when we temporarily take his bottle away to burp him or when he is fighting sleep), I chant “llama, llama mad at mama”. Or something to that extent. Though I had never read the book I LOVED the title. It became our little phrase around the house. So, after months of overusing it, I finally found the book. And let me tell you, it is fantastic. I get giddy when I read it. I mean the word llama itself just cracks me up.
Thankfully Kasen has grown out of his colic stage and this mama has learned how to calm her son down with a lot more ease. Though, I must say the older Kasen gets the more dramatic he gets. Oh the faces he makes. They look like llama drama faces strait from the book, and they crack us up. He is especially fond of the pouty lip.
Getting to be Kasen’s mother is an absolute joy. I discover new things each and everyday and try to be the best mom I can for him. When you have a child, you know your child better than any advice, article, or opinion. You do things for your child based on their specific needs, as each child is unique. Watching Kasen learn, grow, and discover the world around him is one of my very favorite things. And when he looks at me and grins from ear to ear, my heart melts. And when he cries, my heart breaks. He is my son and I am his mother. God has blessed me with Kasen, and I am still in such awe. I know that some days will be harder than others, and I’ll never be perfect. But what parent is? Motherhood is a journey. A never-ending learning experience. I don’t have all the answers, but that doesn’t make me inadequate (though I might feel it a time or two or ten). In those moments, I have the job of properly educating myself to make decisions that are best for my family. And alongside with seeking wisdom, I also have discernment and motherly intuition to make those decisions. Being a parent is a whole new world for me, a world that I love. Cheers!!