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Monday, October 21, 2013

"Oh Darling Don't you Ever Grow up, Just Stay this Little"

A very merry half-birthday to you......

My sweet little baby celebrated his six month birthday a few weeks ago, and I’m left wondering how that's even possible.  The fact that I even have a child still amazes me, let alone that he was born HALF a YEAR ago.  And so you know,  uttering the words  "half a year" just makes Kasen sound so very grown up.  Ahhhh . . .  It makes me tear up.  Being overly sentimental and a woman can be a lethal combination during moments such as this. 

I am the mother of a six (almost seven) month old.  And to think, I never thought we'd get him out of the NICU.  His very first month of life seemed to be the longest of days.  We all spent that rather chilly month of April at the hospital.  It was our home away from home where time seemed to stand still.  Staring at a tiny miracle baby in his incubator, anticipating each and every day.  We couldn't wait to have him home. 


Born at a mere 3 pounds 4 ounces, he was sooo little.  His eyes were black, his skin was translucent, & his eyelashes were non-existent.  Who would have guessed that my husband & I would have had such a small child?  Coming from a mother that weighed 9 pounds 6 ounces & a father that weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces, we expected a chunk.  Granted, Kyle was 10 days past due, and my mother ate an entire box of Little Debbies a day while pregnant.  Yes, you read that right.  A DAY.  I blame my ridiculous sweet tooth on her ;).  (Love you mom).    None the less we prepared for a big baby.   Of course we also expected Kasen to be born full-term.  But life certainly has a way of surprising you.  I mean finding out that we were pregnant was quite the surprise in and of itself.  And now life would never ever be the same without Kasen in it.  Our entire world would be so different, but I wouldn't trade our little family for anything.   My husband and I just adore our boy.  We are especially fond of this age Kasen is at.  His personality is really un-raveling in the best of ways.   I miss my tiny baby at times though.  I miss my newborn.  I miss my two month old.  I miss my four month old.  It seems as if I blink my eyes, Kasen is a month older.  


Though the time is fleeting, I have to remind myself how much of a joy it is to watch him grow.  But babies grow up too fast.  Way too fast.  And I’m not sure that I like it.  There I said it.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely wonderful that my baby is growing big, strong, & healthy. But I just wish it didn’t have to fly by.  I know that each stage of parenting will be a brand new experience, and I’ll love each and every one of those stages (well at least something or two from them). But sometimes I just want to hold on to these baby phases Kasen is in for a little while longer. Please?  Pretty Please?  (If I put a cherry on top would it work)?  I can’t help but to think about him turning one soon.  I mean after one it’s three, then five, then ten, then he’s a teenager, then an adult.  Sigh…. You know, I’m not sure there is anything much better than holding a baby.  The amount of joy a baby brings is incomparable.  And as silly and ridiculous as it is, some days when I feel like Kasen is growing up rather quickly, I look back at pictures and videos and I cry.  Yes, I cry.  I cry for all the times I didn’t get to hold him when I wanted to.  I cry for all the times I was too tired.  I cry for all those months that are now written in history.  I wish I could start at day one again.  The very first day of his life, and the very best day of mine.  I would do it over time and time again.  To relive those wonderful memories.



Even the not so great ones.  I've used this quote before but, Dr. Seus once said, “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”  He’s right you know.  Time is an inevitable and intangible thing.  There is nothing I can do to slow the hands of time (as much as I wish I could).  All I can do is enjoy the time while it is.  And be thankful.  I know I probably sound selfish.  There are some people that never got to have children.  There are some with babies that are gone.  There are some that wish they had even gotten 7 months.  And I am so blessed to have gotten to spend so much time with my boy.  

Dwelling in the past and being sad about what is already over wastes the
very wonderful moments right here and now.  I can’t say that I won’t ever get sad again.  I know I will.  Toddler years, kindergarten, and skipping way ahead to graduation (as far off as that sounds) will get to me.  But I will know deep in my heart that those moments are full of joy.   They are wonderful and special.  They are full of LIFE.  And that is the most important thing.  I can’t keep him a baby forever.  And as much as I say I wish I could, it's not the whole truth.  The other side of me can't wait for him to say his first word, take his first step, potty train, hold conversations with me, color and jump, play sports, make friends, discover new things, have his first crush [welllll maybe not this one as much ; ) ], and the list continues.  My job isn't to let my emotions dictate my parenting.  My job is to love him and raise him to be independent.  A sweet, loving, smart, respectful, independent, God fearing MAN.  And knowing my role as a parent makes me strive to be a better person all around.  I want to be the kind of person I want my kid(s) to grow up to be.  I want to be the kind of mother & wife that Kasen will look for in a future spouse.  Being a mom is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced.  And I’m blessed for it.  I am so in love with my child.  This all consuming love I have for him is one of the greatest things in this world.  So today will be a day like many other days, where I neglect Mt. Laundry (who needs clean clothes anyways)? and hold my baby ALL day.   & I'll leave you with a few pictures out of the 3,000 + I  have of Kasen in no particular order.  Oh how I love pictures. Can you tell?  
   







2 comments:

  1. Keiley - this was beautiful. You said so many things I feel every day. Sometimes those same overwhelming love feelings still overwhelm me, but as my sister-in-law told me when I first asked her if you ever stop feeling that much all-consuming love that takes your breath away...It doesn't go away; you just get used to it. Her children were 13&14 at the time.

    Your son is beautiful, and you are clearly a wonderful mother. I enjoyed reading this post, and just wanted you to know that AND that you're not alone! I'm an emotional mess when it comes to m&m growing up. Inevitable, Wonderful, and Painful all at the same time!

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  2. Awww thank you soo much : ) This was the sweetest comment that made my day. And I'm so glad I'm not alone with my feelings.

    ReplyDelete

 
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